When I grow up...Where do I find my travel and gin ajar door??

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Is it possible that very few people in this world have a passion, a great love that they can turn into a career and have it still remain their passion or does it just become the normal daily grind?

Does anyone else remember what their childhood answer was to “what do you want to be when you grow up”?  If you were like me you knew exactly what it was and it rolled off the tongue with such excitement and then as the years progressed and you gained more life experience you veered off that path and onto something else, maybe there was good reason for it, not everyone can be a rocket scientist or maybe life just got in the way.   If you are someone who has known all your life what you want to do, what you were destined for and have gone in pursuit of that with everything you have, I envy you. That has not been my story, I wish it was. If you are someone who fluttered through life trying to find the role you were destined for and have finally done so I applaud you, I’m sure it hasn’t been an easy path to get there?!  At the ripe age of 36 I’m still trying to decide what I want to be when I “grow up”?

I never intended to stay in the industry that I have served for the last 17 years, it was a gap filler, something that I kind of fell into, it was the Industry to be in in Perth when I was a teenager as the possibilities were endless.  However, for me it was a parking bay, something so that I could pay my bills and live a little till I decided what I wanted to do. And while I don’t regret my decision to take every opportunity with both hands that working in Oil and Gas has provided me, it has never been something that sets my soul on fire. My career has allowed me to meet some amazing people, some of whom are now my friends some of whom are the greatest mentors I could hope to of met, its driven me to be the best I can be in all opportunities  that have been within an arms reach, to break through the glass ceilings that have been placed on me because I’m a female in a male dominated industry, its has allowed me to travel extensively and it allowed me to be incredibly independent and financially secure. However now that I have had the girls I’m questioning what it is outside of my family that really ignites a spark for me. I mention this because, until Evie’s birth I don’t really recall feeling that stomach churning passion for anything. I knew I was always chasing “it”, I just don’t know what it is. Am I confusing passion and love, or are they one in the same when it comes to doing something that sets your soul on fire?

Is it possible that very few people in this world have a passion, a great love that they can turn into a career and have it still remain their passion or does it just become the normal daily grind? Is it the chase of the passion that creates the enjoyment?

The old mainstream cliché has us all scaling proverbial mountains to find our one true calling and then spend our life chasing it. I do not have one burning passion (well I really like drinking gin, travelling and my family however I’m yet to think of anything that I can combine the three and make money doing so), but instead I have lots and lots of interests. My biggest worry about having lots of interests is that you can go off and pursue one or more of those interests and sometimes it will work out but more often than not it doesn’t and then you invest more of your depleted self into trying something else. I find it exhausting looking back on all the shifts and changes in direction that I have had trying to find that one true calling. I often feel I am a jack of all trades but a master of none. Maybe part of the problem for me is all my changes in direction have been within the one industry

At 15 years old I declared in my graduation speech that I wanted to be a brain surgeon, because medicine and the human brain intrigued me, for as long as I can remember it has…it still does and even though I didn’t follow the medical path, it still sits in the back of my mind slowly simmering away. Had it not of taken 10 years of study I think that’s what I would of being doing. Maybe that 15 year old did have it right about being intrigued and passionate about the brain but maybe she had the discipline wrong, maybe what I should of been focusing my energy on was the psychology of the brain. Could I call psychology a passion or is my intrigue based on my struggles with my own psychology it leaves me wanting to understand myself further

Do what you love and you will never work a day in your life. This statement is one of the most misleading I have ever come across, those I know that are fortunate enough to have a career doing what they love are some of the hardest working people I know.  They don’t do the 9-5, they are always on the clock.  Even when they aren’t physically at “work” they are working.  They never seem to rest.  Is that the secret? Does our passion mean we throw everything at it, we live and breathe it, it defines who we are?

Passion is an intimidating, grand concept. It is demanding and greedy and insists on taking everything out of you. It can be a dangerous impulse. If you disagree, then I challenge you to look back on your life and recall the most passionate you have ever been about something. How did that end for you, was it demanding and did it leave you feeling empty when it ended? Passion can strip your life bare and leave you lost and running on empty.

While we joke that Evie is going to be a pro golfer and Izarra something academic maybe a lawyer, I don’t want them to grow up with the pressure of “what they what to be when they grow up”, instead I want curiosity to drive them.  I don’t want them feeling like they have to have it all figured out before they have left school and then have the burdening pressure of feeling like they have missed the mark if they don’t achieve that dream.  I wish someone had of told me this when I was younger, be curious, explore the world, explore your interests and do not try to fit the mould of what you feel you should be doing because before you know it, you will have spent a majority of your life doing something just for the sake of it.

So, rather than just preaching this to them I should start leading by example and start letting curiosity guide me to see where it can take me. Maybe there is a door ajar waiting for me to burst through and maybe that door is covered in gin and travel. If anyone knows of any jobs fitting this criteria please let me know, I can have the family bags packed in a flash!